Bill Nighy is the Nation’s Agony Uncle

Hi, my name's Bill Nye

and I'm here to be your agony uncle

to answer your pressing questions

about the important things in life.

Let's have a listen.

[radio whirring]

[Speaker] California.

[Speaker 2] Hi Bill.

I'm in my thirties and I've never learned to cook anything,

not even pasta.

And now I want to learn, what dish should I start with?

I think you should start with beans on toast

with Marmite underneath.

And you wanna super toast the toast.

It's gotta be crisp.

Then you apply the butter

and then a liberal amount of Marmite.

And the beans have to be red, red hot

and you only introduce the beans to the butter, marmite

and toast at the very last moment.

And you need a spare bit of Marmite toast on the side.

And then you need a glass of orange juice with lots of ice

and a couple of limes squeezed into it.

And there you have it.

[Speaker 2] Hi Bill, please share advice

on how to cope with with imposter syndrome,

nerves and anxiety.

Wow, that's a tough question.

Given that I'm dealing with those very things right now

as you watch me on camera.

And I have had to deal with it all my life,

as most people do, I presume.

And I've had great victories over it.

When I was young, I was an agonizing mess in this regard.

I used to operate with zero confidence

and I used to fake it as much as I could,

but I wasn't very successful and I was terrible at work.

I was very, very anxious and therefore unable to do my job.

And on personal relations,

I was, I mean, actually disastrous.

But the only thing I can tell you

is that every negative thing I've told myself about myself

over my whole life, every single thing was a lie.

It was a lousy, brutal, cruel lie

that apparently I told myself

in order to undermine myself.

I don't understand, you know, the psychology

of it particularly, but I know that none of it was true.

[radio whirring]

[Speaker 3] Hi Bill,

I want to take a break from social media,

but I'm worried I'll lose touch with the cultural zeitgeist.

Can you advise me on how to get offline

whilst staying culturally relevant?

Just call a close friend.

Tell them to come and accompany you.

Maybe take a drink or two.

Have them hold the device for you.

And then just remove very gently, app by app,

all of those toxic apps from your phone.

If you really want to be part of the social zeitgeist,

don't for God's sake be on social media.

You'll find none of it there.

You will be liberated

and it will begin your life in earnest.

If you want to get hip to the social zeitgeist,

just open the front door, get out on the street,

maybe go to the Eurostar, get to Paris,

go to Paris, breathe some real air.

Go and look at some paintings, go to the bookshop.

Buy All Fours by Miranda July, get with it, get hip.

[radio whirring]

[Speaker 4] Hi Bill, I really struggle with swimwear.

What advice have you got for buying a pair of swim trunks?

I have absolutely zero idea about swimwear.

I don't think I've ever owned swimwear,

even when I was probably in some kind of shape

to wear swimwear.

Why don't you just get some jeans, cut them off and jump in.

[Speaker 5] Dear Bill, I love fashion

and enjoy putting looks together.

The problem is I'm inherently messy

and always look like I've been dragged backwards

through a bush.

Have you got any tips to remedy this?

Well, if you are inherently messy,

I can't really help you.

You might wanna examine why that happens.

I can't relax if things aren't aligned

on the table beside me for instance.

I can't go to bed if the towels

aren't straight in the bathroom.

My answer to it all is not to own very much.

[Speaker 6] Hi Bill, aspiring actor here

wondering if you have any tips for auditioning.

I was useless at auditioning.

It's a miracle I ever got a job.

One of the greatest things that ever happened to me

was when I stopped having to audition.

The only defense I have against it

is to prepare like a maniac.

You wanna learn it several ways, backwards and frontwards,

and work on it and annotate it like a piece of music.

Put in the pauses, the words you wanna stress

so you've got a plan so that when you get there

and your head starts attacking you

and telling you that this is probably out of your range,

that you are ineligible in some mysterious way,

and that there are all these other people

in the waiting room who are better looking than you are

and almost certainly more talented than you are,

you've got something you can do

while your head is attacking you.

Otherwise I'd have no career.

Just to remember it's not personal

and that they don't know what to do either.

And they're all terrified of getting it wrong.

And they often do get it wrong,

and not least when they reject you.

[radio whirring]

[Speaker 7] Help, how do I find my personal style?

I'm very lost right now.

You must look at people and think he looks good, do that.

If you had a pair of Levi 501s

and a pair of DM shoes

and a Fred Perry Polo leisure shirt,

or if you've got any money, a John Smedley

three button leisure polo, you're covered.

And if you wanted to put on a Fred Perry Harrington,

you can't go wrong.

You will outclass anyone in the room.

Don't go silly with leather or any of that.

Don't wear leather trousers ever

or I'll come around your house.

And if you want a suit, then just keep it simple

and keep it dark.

There's only one color, navy blue.

Don't worry about fashion or any of that shit

'cause that all comes and goes.

You just wanna look mod, dead mod.

[radio whirring]

[Speaker 8] Hi, I'm turning 30 next month

and this birthday, I guess naturally has made me overthink

where I'm at in life.

And I just wondered if you have any life lessons

or wisdom that you can share going into this new decade.

The thing about getting to my age

is that you are quite often mistaken for somebody

who knows what's happening.

It's like because of your vintage,

you must have some information.

It's not, well, it's plainly not true, look around.

I'm quite handy 'cause I got everything wrong early on

so I know what not to do.

People say, have you got any advice for the young?

So you make something up

because you are sociable and polite.

And I always say, don't take drugs and pay your taxes.

And then everybody laughs or sometimes they laugh.

No one has laughed in the studio right now.

Other than that, don't believe anybody's reputation.

Let them prove it to you.

If people come heralded because of past achievements

or something, they're nearly always either overrated

or just plain wrong.

Thank you for the questions, I hope I've been of some use.

I doubt it very much.

Stay loose and I'll see you when I get my glasses.

[upbeat music]